Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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