It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
