the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
