I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I forget how to act sober
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