I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
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