So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
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you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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