.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
