i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
