saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
