I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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