Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
