Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
