I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
