The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
