They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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