i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
