Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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