I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
