Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
