Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
