Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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