tonight lets celebrate not being married
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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