Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
