he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
