I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
