Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
