I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
the liver wants what the liver wants
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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