im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We were destined to go to rehab together
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
