im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
