I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
