Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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