So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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