At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
