weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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