Define "chronic" masturbator.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
