We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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