Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
