You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
