Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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