oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
