i permit you to call me
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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