I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
