WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
