i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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