You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
