Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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