look no pants
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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