my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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