I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
