end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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