yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
