Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
