really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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