she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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