i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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