Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
