Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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