Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
