I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
