We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
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She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
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It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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