Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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