I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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