I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
