would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
