I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
