Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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