You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
