i don't like sucking hair
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My bed smells like the plague
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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