EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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