The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
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the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
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I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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