I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Nobody cheats on THIS.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
