Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
