You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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