The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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