I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
