o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Is it penis luge time yet?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Boobs speak an international language.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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