On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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